I have no idea why I act in that way...

I felt so terrible after sending that sms, I know that it is fucking harsh and it will be unacceptable for you

I don't know...

I am freaking restless without knowing how badly my dad's injuries are...

I really really need you to be here =(

and


I am so deeply sorry baby! =((

A little update

After 4 months of job hunting, I've finally found a job in finance industry at United Oversea Bank. It's to work as a Personal Banker. Although I am not so into this kind of front line position, but the career progression is what I have been searching for and I believed that at the end of all the hard work ( which I believe that I wouldn't mind going for it at all cost ) , I will get what I am looking for.Well...at the very least, I could, somehow stop all the restless and tedious job applications at the moment while trying for this position, at least for that 6 months of probation period?! HA HA

At first I thought that i could finally settle down after graduating for 4 months, BUT... yeah there are always the BUT's in this fucking terrible world!!! Here come the issues in house renting, where the initial going-to-be housemate had decided to back out from sharing the HDB flat and leave the 3 of us to die swallowing 2k per month. JACKASS....Please don't even think that this issue can be solved by getting another person to share the rental, the next person that we got has issue of paying for the agent fees!!! =.=''' and then again, by getting another new friends/persons to go for another unit of house, the FRIENDS pangseh us by going to share with other people and finally leave me and chuen alone ... DAMN FUCKED UP CAN?!!! NABUOY CCB
Anyway, HECK IT la!! I want to stop thinking about it for a few days before I starting to find new housemates again...*sigh*

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The exam period is going to end soon and a lot of my local friends had moved out from the hall leaving the hall so empty now =( Getting kinda uneasy without anything ONz at night like seriously, and SERIOUSLY!!!

Missing the nights spent together with you either for shows, L4D or cooking some random things, and it was always happening ones.

Thanks for the on-time gummies when I was craving for it...
Thanks for coming down to accompany me when I wasn't feeling well...
Thanks for the effort to cheer me up when you got to know that I was emo-ing...
Thanks for the sweet sweet cards to make my day...
Thanks for the tie when I really needed it for my UOB interview...
Thanks for the 川贝杏仁凉茶 when I had a bad cough...


and it was really really great having those precious moment with you. The nights are so different without you. I think I was really blessed to have you during the last 3 weeks of the school life and of course I wish that it could be longer, so do you, right ? right??? =DDDD

Thanks again to you-know-who-you-are
for being there =)

难。过

难，
可不可以是一种借口。。。

就算难，
是不是不应该放弃？

如果，
可以蒙着头换去一丝丝的幸福和甜蜜，
那为何不尝试努力地去争取和拥有它？

虽然为了自己而很尽力地保护自己的感觉

到头来，
还是需要一个人的去面对那一切。。。

想重燃戒掉已久的习惯，
是不想自己独自伤心着去面对

Possessive Love

Happened to visit a blog and noticed one of the post, which I think that it would be nice if it is read by some of my friends who are confronting problems in their relationship.

It's about the emotion of possessiveness in the journey of love which is like a tug to many out there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: “You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love.”

This was how I saw it:

As long as you keep your hand gently open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love. They try to posses, own, demand, and expect… and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings. There are certain lessons and learnings in life, that demand conscious effort from our side to put them to practice and awareness always helps in defining our perspective. Love like joy and cheer is meant to be shared and isn’t limited like a piece of cake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, it sounds like a very simple perspective but how many of us could actually internalize it?

Chauvinism and possessiveness overdrive are just the poisons own by those losers to cause struggle and kill their god-given relationships.

道歉

以前我总会觉得

一个人道歉的 价值/歉意， 是他道歉次数的反比例

当他觉得他所犯下的过错总是可以以一句对不起来解决的话

那他的诚信是足以媲美粪便

或比它更出色

或是，

当别人一直对你道歉时

你就会觉得

你所做的一切， 都是对的

从而造就你那不可一世的理所当然

是恶心的。。。

因此，

我会觉得，对不起是很贵重的一句话

一些本来道歉就可以解决的事情

也因为这种执着而常搞得不欢而散

是斗气？

是面子？？

当然，

这种心理是随着年龄和思想而改变的

其实

道歉， 在意的不是谁对谁错

而是

一句真心的对不起

代表着你对那份感情的在意

对那个人的重视

多过于你自己，还有你的自尊心

有些东西

是真的不必想那么多

自然就好

虽然 。。。我曾经想过

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

平常心

真的有那么平常吗？

我只觉得， 它是最不容易拥有的东西


自身度外的态度不是时常行得通

表面上， 无关痛痒

可是，

感性的内心， 却是充满着渴望。。。期待。。。


这一次，

我有点不懂了。。。

"It's fine, thanks"

短短的一句， 清楚明了





还真zzz....

shychyrazzy

Billie Jean Ah Hong
with smudged eye liner

Ah Y
She "created" herself in the most normal look than us but, yeah
YOU ARE MORE AN ALCOHOLIC THAN ME pleasee =p

Ah Beng + Smoker ZY
At least you have an iPod with you, trendy leh =]

Ah Lian SH
this picture says a thousand words,
IT's SO YOU!!!! =D

Smoker Mat Raz (with darker skin color)
well...*shake head*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time spent with you guys has never been wasted

all the HTHT + drinking sessions had brought us closer

to point where, ya,
LOVE, CARE and TRUST are the ONLY ingredients in the BOND

It's so great that we are in this SHYCHYRAZZY

Love you guys!!

*more sessions before exam please*

Today - A different special day

Why am I get affected so easily nowadays?

Does it mean that I care a lot more than I did?

or is it purely because of my weak ability of emotion control?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

getting EMO on my own birthday isn't something good to experience...

and that little act does, really hurt even though it's unintentional.

=============================================================

Fortunately,

I have a bunch of great friends to be there with me

and THANKs for celebrating my birthday with me...

my Uni life wouldn't be the same without you guys =]

keep it , and love you guys =)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

officially 23rd!!!

昨夜心情 - 淡淡的酸○甜

上两个星期前 终于按耐不住地去买了一台 iPod Touch
虽然钱包很痛 不过还是蛮开心的
花了一个星期把自己最喜欢的500+首歌曲， 和许多的舞蹈video都upload进去

结果就才一个礼拜
我那他妈的朋友就告诉我说他也买了一台 而且还是以80块较便宜的价格买下的
真的“暗捶” 到~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

昨夜，
在挑选一些照片放进iTouch时
发现了一些你的照片 当然有些是webcam照
想不到的是

心情 是有点复杂的。。。

原来
那些简单的接触 都可以是那样的快乐
那习以为常的聊天室 是可以连接整半个地球
时差 不算是个借口
我们还是可以很开心地聊到你睡觉的时间，我该起床的时候。。。

曾经因为镜头前难过的你而伤心，因为镜头前傻傻的你而哭笑不得。。。
那镜头里的你 可以让我忘却睡眠，却也可以让我烦恼 =p
那不懂何时开始扩大的裂痕， 好像永远也补不回了...

如果没有那次的谈话，再过几天你应该会到这了
说真的 听到你说要来这时 是有点不知所措，不过还是有些期待的啦！ =p

写这篇部落格 也只是想把心情诚实地表达出来
虽然它最终并不会对这已改变了的东西再做些什么改变。。。

pek chek

It's 3 more days!!!
to the long awaited, end of internship
wootz wootz

BUtttttttt
the crazy prof brought forward the dateline of final report suddenly
it's supposed to be submitted at END of NEXT WEEK,
and now?
this coming FRIDAY!! nabeh
somemore we still have to present again to him on this FRIDAY
after my 1st ever one hour presentation in my life at BII yesterday
pek chek pek chek

=========================================================

Kind of stressed with my Dancetitude item,
it seems to be the most incomplete one so far
and I only have another practice to make it perfect or at least flow and smooth

Always think that my EQ is kinda high all this while
but then I realised that I am actually not

but thanks to you guys,
with all the encouragement and support
you guys made my day sweet ^^
we will definitely make it a good one
with some stupid ideas in my mind now oppps

jiayou ar
memory sweet sweet

=========================^^========================

无题

这几个星期的每一天都过得又忙又充实的
上班 －－ 跳舞 －－ 睡觉 －－ 上班 －－ 跳舞 －－ 睡觉 ......
每天都是那么有规律的过着
而星期六更是“十到十”地练习着
感觉上这样会很累很累吧？
事实确实如此

随着实习与舞蹈练习的开始
在上班时的我 身子是一天比一天的累
比起刚开始IA时 每时每刻都想着programming的我
现在却已经沦落到必须小睡半个小时的地步

不过这算还好吧
虽然看似很单调的日子
但这样的每一天都一定会有新的尝试
不同的舞蹈风格与种类都会带来一定的新鲜感
虽然有时会因为很累而很不想跳 ;p

...

有种人 会有着
忙碌时向往着以往的悠闲
而空闲时却期望着忙碌生活到来 的矛盾
很难否认 我是这种人
某种程度上
是个一时一样 － 矛盾的人

我们 大概有多久没联络了？
有着突然想到之前的种种
有着因为不智而产生的遗憾
有着因无奈而感到的落寞

不懂你还会不会看这部落格
也曾考虑过是否该把这类感觉记载到这里

不过
当这一切都不在顾虑范围时
这些就已不再是一种因素
而是些现时感受的记录
也是个自己向自己倾诉的空间

果然还是有矛盾的

矛盾的思绪

夜深人静，也该静吧
我想也没有人会像我这样无聊
这么夜了都还不睡
况且等下还是第一天上班


在想念 我们无所不谈的时候
不懂当时的执著到底是为了什么

在想念 隔着千里也能每晚对着荧幕的欢笑
检讨着当时那坚决的态度是否对错

在想念 一大清早被电话吵醒的时刻
想念着那另一边的声音
回忆着朦胧中和你乱搭话的对白
回忆着那份对我来说带有细细的甜蜜

现在 和 之前 有差了
不懂当时为何要扮得 好像一切都无所谓
也不懂为何当时要那么细挑谁的对错

不懂能否再回到过去
就算。。。允许。。。
那一切一切的问题 也还是都会存在着。。。吧!

曾经想过要放弃的感觉
现在却可以肯定地 直接地说
它 没变质

不过
现在的情况 对你我来说
也不失为是一个较好的解决方案

Whenever I received call from my sis in the midnight,
I knew that there must be something worse happened and
I wouldn't feel any better than the last call from her.

Cardiac edema,
is it a fatal one?yeah it is!

It is a manifestation of congestive heart failure, due to increased venous and capillary pressures in the heart. It is a condition where an accumulation of serum fluid from blood plasma in the interstitial tissues as result of congestive heart failure. The fluid may also accumulate in serous cavities in severe cases, which will cause death.

I do not know what I should do with the fucking blank brain now
Why am I always the last one to know about it?
Even when I normally called to ask for the condition?

现在，
有点懂了。。。
每次都只报喜不报忧的我
当我是只被报喜的那位时 原来是多么的幸福
什么都不能做的我
一直都为我那次的行为感到内疚

对不起

希望您早点康复！

鍾嘉欣 - 其實我不快樂

...

離別你不經異地　
想工作暗天暗地　
直到可困倦床睡　不掛念你

情願我呼天叫地　
總好過這麼顧忌　
害怕走往日場地　
敢碰著你會撐不起

和誰在一起都用來共你相比　
就算了不起只可做到我知己　
誰若寄望替代你最美都要放棄　只能退避　

和誰在一起很自然共你相比　
就算遊戲笑著也未快樂得起　
難道我在寄望有天可失憶　找到轉機

其實我很不快樂　
想躲進暗黑街角　
淚再可痛快地流落　
不知那日會對愛再有感覺

和誰在一起都用來共你相比　
就算了不起只可做到我知己　
誰若寄望替代你最美都要放棄　只能退避　

和誰在一起很自然共你相比　
就算遊戲笑著也未快樂得起　
難道我在寄望有天可失憶　找到轉機

和誰人在一起都用來共你相比　
就算了不起只可做到我知己
誰若寄望替代你最美都要放棄　只好退避

和誰在一起很自然共你相比
就算遊戲笑著也你快樂不起
難道我這寄望有天可失憶　
難道這份記念遇著空氣　欠缺就會死

**

EMO

**

This is the song that really touches my heart.

You know, it has been so long that we never met, and we will just remain to be so far apart for years.

The complicated feel will just appear whenever we chat and webcam online.

I myself knew that it is worth to be like this...

but then, leaving this untouchable is still like...

not enough for me...

We both knew and we both understood the situation for now,

and few years ahead from now.

Is it good for us if we are still dragging this for any longer?

It is great to have you far beside me,

but...

when is the time for you to be really beside me?

It is sweet, but it is also dilemma...

**

**

Vulnerable, Confusion & Agony

When we people get to be too vulnerable to something that is important to ourselves, we tend to get into a big confusion. Dilemma between emotion , rational and the genuine feeling of yourself is so so so annoying that it can even cost you a long time to get back to what you are supposed to do.

Yeah, it has been a long time since the problem occurred and it has never been solved. I couldn't make the decision for getting something that is so close but yet so far from me. Emotionally speaking, yeah I would like to, but then it contradicts with the rational thinking - to grab something which does not have an ending with it. I really do not know what am I supposed to do. I am confused. I am restless...to think of persistantly upholding on the one or should just give myself a new option to really enjoy my life here.

Thanks YJ and SC for 'shopping' together with me for this one whole day. I think I was the one who needed the 'shopping' to relax my mind. but then,still WE WERE ACCOMPANYING SC TO SHOP,not they teman me lolx zo siao all along the way for hours, quite satisfied with our strength of walking and stamina for laughing XD and I got this CUTE Dracula Newbie

and still waiting for them to upload their Newbie Shirts hmm!



An aunt in blazer with lace


flirting a gal on MRT by exchanging hp numbers


lao yee


向左看，向右看


taken by paparazzi

突然觉得~

~有种快要失去某个重要东西的感觉。。。

烦

感觉不对。。。

复杂 矛盾 挫折 执着 疑惑 惘然

都不是说放就放 说忙就可故意忘掉的东西

猜不透 问不清

这算什么 不是决定不要了吗

结果。。。

理智还是让感情给挫倒了

完全陷入了被感觉玩弄的地步

好多事情都是后来才看清楚

好多事情当时一点也不觉得痛苦

看来。。。“病”了。。。

内疚……感性……

刚才
不懂是不是上了一整天的课 烦了 慌了 累了
一直以来 烦的事多不会在我脑海里呆超过一天
也应为这样 常给人嘻嘻哈哈印像的我
才发现自己原来其实是不懂得怎么去控制自己的心情
就觉得今晚好烦 按奈不住
说了不该说的话 让A难过了
也因没做自己该做的事 伤了B
因为自己的不成熟 我伤了我两位重要的朋友
从明天开始 一连串的活动就要连续6天的压着我而来了
我想 真的只有在忙碌的情况下
我才会享受“另类心理的宁静”
希望再过几天就会没事吧
还有另外两位朋友
谢谢你们在我心情不好时
第一时间打了个长途电话来
也感谢你陪我在校园里走了一阵
感性的话我就不多说 你们懂就好
就这样吧 明天起加油
下星期考试 加油

Peaceful Night

At the night like this when I am not allowed to sleep ( forgot to press the button of washing machine,left the clothes there for 2 hours,and now have to wait for another hour ) , while my roomy has been snoring for hours,I can do nothing except blogging, NOT study please.

With a very packed and shag time table for tuesday, work and classes from 9am to 5.30pm with just an hour of break time in between, I NAPPED from 6pm to 9.30pm, hmm not bad! enjoyable! haha that’s why I am so energized now. I was so so so tired to go for the dance practise just now, with 5 practises per week, I am getting sick of dancing,for now of course…Merdeka Night performance, NUS Dance Reflection, PA dance class and MJ dance class T.T Unhappy things do happened but I hope that it is just a temporary case.

Get to know many things in these few days…realised that there are misunderstanding from my friends of my personality,kinda down and sort of dissapointed also because it comes from friends that I really appreciate. It might be because of my insensitivity also, but then, you know, it is hard to sharpen a blunt metal. Well, I guess I will just keep on with this personality , ACT blur XD

There were also sharing sections with my friends and some of the new juniors, it was kinda fun to listen to their stories and “feel” their naive and genuine attitude =p Of course,this is only applicable to those new juniors, while for the buddies in NTU, it was so SHOCKED and FRESH plus FUNNY when I got to listen to some of the stories that I never heard before from you guys ( not friendly lo,never tell earlier!!! ) hahaha but yeah,the feeling was quite nice and great ^^

P/s : Never took 50 minutes for a blog, just to drag time I guess, hope that the washing is done now lolz

p/p/s : I love tonight!!